What Will People Say?

Waaay back in the 80s, when I was but a teenager in high school, I declared to my mom, “When I grow up, I’m going to be Dr. Ruth [Westheimer].” My mom simply chuckled and offered a humoring “Okay, Hon.” But, I meant it. I really wanted to be like Dr. Ruth. Her diminutive build, kind face, perky personality, and infectious laughter made her, and her message of positive sexuality, truly accessible in a very loving and candid way that I found utterly engaging. I deeply admire her.

When I began college, I started taking psychology, sociology, and even icky ol’ biology classes in order to pave my way for my future as a clinical sex therapist. When my family figured out I wasn’t kidding around with what they had to that point considered my silly notion of becoming a sex therapist, they implored me to rethink my plans. “What will people say?” When I answered with a resounding, “I really don’t care,” they countered with firm objections that they did care what other people would think and say. They had reputations to protect and we had strongly conservative, religious family and friends that would “just die” if they knew I was actually pursuing a career in “sex!” So after much finagling, grief, and even mild threats, I changed my career trajectory. I was simply too young, too dependent, and too much of a people-pleaser to fight for my dream. I knew I had to be in a serving profession or I’d be miserable, so I compromised and became a high school English teacher. Which, to be fair, I absolutely loved doing; but, the closest I got to being “Dr. Ruth” was teaching Health as an elective.

Now, what seems like a thousand years later, I’m knocking on the age of 50s’ door, and running out of time to pursue my life’s dream. My spice and I have seven children, a menagerie of animals, a mortgage, bills, obligations, and all the other expensive and time-consuming stuff most grown-ups have acquired by this age. Now that I’m old, more independent, and too jaded to give a rat’s arse about what people think, I’m not fiscally in a position to pursue my life’s ambition. And, frankly, I’m more than a little pissed. With my parents’ pressure on me as a young person. And, with myself for falling for it all.

That admitted, I am doing everything I possible that I can to align myself realistically with my goal of working with people to advance their sexual intelligence, health, and pleasure as well as to help people build, nurture, and maintain healthy relationships. I became a certified life coach. I’ve taken, and continue to take, classes and courses, and receive certifications in relationships, communication, and adult sexuality and pleasure education. I’ve also lived a lifetime of experience as a teacher, mentor, and relationship confidante. I’ve been with my spice for thirty years and know a thing or ten or fifty about keeping a relationship alive and growing. So, thankfully, all hope is not lost.

Sadly, my mom is still afraid of what people might think if they know what I am doing even now, at this adult stage of my life. And, while I dearly love my mom and respect her desire for anonymity, I really don’t care about what people will think or say. What I do care about is what I will say; what I will think as I reflect back on my life and realize that I let the possibility of other people’s thoughts or words thwart my goals and stop me from achieving my life-long dreams. Because I’m the one who will be living with that regret.

What dreams or goals have you had die on the vine because of that question: “What will people say”? And, was it worth it?

7 Pillars of Strong Relationships (video series, parts 4-6)

Knowing the seven pillars of strong, healthy relationships is important knowledge for anyone who wants to build, nurture, and solidify their personal and interpersonal relationships. These crucial components must be practiced by each individual for both their partner as well as for themselves — because we are the one constant in every relationship we experience throughout our lifetime. Being committed to every component is a choice that must be made, sometimes on a daily basis, in order to enjoy a healthy, growing, strong relationship.

[W]e are the one constant in every relationship we experience throughout our lifetime.

Part Four covers the fifth pillar: TRUTH.

Part Five covers the sixth pillar: FAITH.

Part Six covers the seventh and final pillar: VISION.

To be updated for future videos, please subscribe to my YouTube channel and click the bell icon. Comments that include your needs and ideas are very helpful to me in the production of future videos as well as the content of future blog posts. Be sure to like and share the videos that you find helpful. I look forward to producing more educational and informational videos. Thanks for watching!

Supporting Adult Sex and Pleasure Education

Sex education in America sucks. And, not in a good way. Many women, rather than embracing and celebrating their feminine sexuality, are suffering with feelings of shame and disdain because of distressing religious judgment and crappity-crap cultural conditioning. These women are then expected to enter into long-lasting relationships and marriages and react as authentic sensual beings. Shyuh, right! Not only is this an unrealistic assumption, it is a likely recipe for an unhealthy esteem, unhappy relationships, and relentless intimacy discontent. Is it any wonder the divorce rate in America is so abysmally high? 

Together we can educate and liberate women from all walks of life. Together we can help our fellow human beings overcome shame and improve and deepen their intimate connections. Let’s do this.

Join me in my mission to save sex lives!

Why “Sex for Sinners”?

The symbol of the Christian fish in many colors
 

It was difficult to find a site for someone like Me.

I’ve spent a lot of time scouring the Internet for websites that speak to someone like myself: a self-proclaimed spirit-filled Christian who completely loves the Lord and who also happens to really enjoy sexuality, pleasure, kinky stuff, and talking about the subjects of sexuality and pleasure. In fact, it’s my job. I coach and educate people about sexuality and pleasure as well as about communicating with regard to sex and pleasure in their relationships.

To be fair, there are a few relationship sites that are geared towards heterosexual married, p-in-v (penis in vagina sex) Christians. Of which I happen to fit the criteria. Hetero? Check. Married? Check. P-in-v? Sometimes. Monogamous? Absolutely. Christian? You bet! So, yeah, those sites were mostly for gals like me, but…

 

I have a low-tolerance for Shame-and-Blame tactics.

The problem I have with most Christian sex sites is that they seem to always be adding caveats about sin; as in, “sex before marriage is a sin” and “using sex toys is sinful” or, wait, “sex toys might be okay, but not if they vibrate because that’s a sin” and “solo masturbation is a sin” or “mutual masturbation is a sin” and “using birth control is sinful” and “fantasizing requires lust which is a sin” and “speaking of lust, having sexual thoughts is a sin.” And, sin, sin, sin.

Hey, I get it. We’re all sinners. But, this sort of heavy-handed soul-bashing is what is driving righteous, Christ-loving people from the pews. In droves. I’m really not down with shaming and blaming people. They likely get enough of that from the world at large and really don’t need any more of it. I may be married now, but my husband and I actually enjoyed horizontal pleasures before taking a trip down to the altar. So, I obviously empathize with Christians who do not refrain from sexual pleasures until they finally reach the marriage bed. Typical Christian sites also default to the assumption that everyone who is a practicing Christian must be heterosexual. Not to mention the assumption that everyone who is married must be heterosexual. Although, I suppose that depends on which state they’re residing in. The point is, at this site, you’ll get the information and encouragement you may find at other sex and relationship sites managed by Christians, only without the shame and blame.

So anyway, here we are at my own faith-friendly site about sex and relationships. I know that the broader the audience I try to reach, the more likely I am to turn people off, and I’m okay with that. As you’ve likely gathered, I’m not down with condemnation — either giving or receiving it. However, I am totally down with sharing faith-friendly, pleasure-positive, science-sound, information with everybody and anybody in a loving, inclusive, and compassionate way.

And the name?

When it comes to names for my site, “Sex without shame but with a faith-friendly philosophy” is just too long. “Sex for Everybody” sounds too much like a call-to-action. And since holy writ tells us that we are all sinners on the road to sainthood, “sinners” is pretty darn inclusive. And, if I’m being totally honest, the fact that it just sounds a wee bit provocative doesn’t hurt.

For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.” ~ Romans 3: 22b-24

 

 

How to Choose the Right Vibrator for YOU (video)

If you haven’t been to an adult toy store in a while, you may be surprised at how much the industry has grown. Seeing all the options can be overwhelming! Whether or not you are new to the wonderful world of adult pleasure products, you may learn something new when you check out my video about choosing vibrators. In this video [created for viewers 18 years old or older], I  discuss different styles, sizes, materials, and uses to consider when choosing sexual products to add to your grown-up toy chest.

For more information about advanced sexuality and pleasure, or about choosing and using adult pleasure products, you may easily contact Micki here.

7 Pillars of Strong Relationships (video series, parts 1-3)

Knowing the seven pillars of strong, healthy relationships is important knowledge for anyone who wants to build, nurture, and solidify their personal and interpersonal relationships. These crucial components must be practiced by each individual for both their partner as well as for themselves — because we are the one constant in every relationship we experience throughout our lifetime. Being committed to every component is a choice that must be made, sometimes on a daily basis, in order to enjoy a healthy, growing, strong relationship.

Part One covers the first pillar: LOVE.

Part Two covers the second pillar: HONOR.

Part Three covers the third and fourth pillars: SELF-CONTROL & RESPONSIBILITY.

To be updated for future videos, please subscribe to my YouTube channel and click the bell icon. Comments that include your needs and ideas are very helpful to me in the production of future videos as well as the content of future blog posts. Be sure to like and share the videos that you find helpful. I look forward to producing more that you may enjoy. Stay tuned as the series continues.

Introducing Sex Toys to Your Lover (Video)

It isn’t always easy to share our intimate desires like our eagerness to share adult pleasure products with our lovers. In this video [created for viewers 18 years old or older], I address the two main concerns women have when considering asking their partner to bring sexual products into their bedroom.

For more information about advanced sexuality and pleasure, or about choosing and using adult pleasure products, you may easily contact Micki here.

Video: The 5 Relationship Stages

Knowing the 5 Stages of Relationships can help you and your partner navigate towards a stronger, more intimate and lasting relationship.

5 stages 5

 

To learn more about relationships, consider contacting Micki for a free Discovery call to learn more about Intimacy and Relationship Coaching.

Your Most Important Relationship Ever

The most important and longest lasting relationship any human being will ever have on Earth is the one which they have with themselves. It begins the day we are born and lasts until the day we take our last breath. In that, it is often the only relationship that holds fast to the romantic ideal of true love, “until death do us part.” It makes sense that this is the one relationship we should devote most of our time, nurture, and resources to; and yet, all too often, it is the relationship we end up neglecting. We may treat our friends and colleagues with honor, truth, and respect, but often end up being dishonest and disrespectful to ourselves. This is unacceptable.

Canva - Woman in Green Shirt Smiling

Be Honest With Yourself. We are autonomous. We know that we are the only ones truly responsible for our actions, well being, and happiness. Be honest in identifying your weak spots and get to work. Becoming strong in character; being mature and well-balanced physically, intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally are all up to us. We will spend the rest of our lives with this “I” person and we deserve the best.

Respect Yourself. Surrounding yourself with weak, lazy, and dis-empowered people will suck the life right out of you. These are the people that need to go. The dilemma hits us head-on when we find ourselves being weak, lazy, and dis-empowered. We must do whatever it takes to shed those feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that are disrespectful to our truest nature. Leave guilt, shame, and remorse in the past where it belongs and move forward with clarity of purpose and respect for your “I.”

Love Yourself. Loving and caring for yourself is of utmost importance because the only relationship constant you will ever face in your entire lifetime is you. Find your strengths and celebrate them. As human beings we all make mistakes. The key is to adapt and adjust in every situation in which we find ourselves falling short. Learn from every mistake and grow from past experience. In this we are growing, and growing matures us into better beings most worthy of love. Every day is a new opportunity to become a more beautiful, compassionate, truthful, effective version of you. And you are definitely a person worthy of love.

Please note: I work with women from all walks of life, including, but not limited to, heterosexual women, bisexual women, lesbian women, questioning women, and  female of center womxn.